Monday, October 8, 2012
9 Tips to Get That Girl
1: Look pleased to see her: Whenever you see your dream girl you should smile. In a natural way. Not in a scary stalking way. It is actually very hard not to acknowledge someone when they smile at you. Try it and see for yourself. Observe other things that make her smile.
2: Cleanliness: Girls place a lot of emphasis on personal hygiene. You will never get a girl if you have dirty fingernails, greasy hair or you don’t wear deodorant. (Unless, of course the girl is into the grunge look.) These may seem like minor things to you but girls are really turned off by guys who they think are not clean. Yes. They will notice. Go easy on the strong aftershave as well. You are going for clean and natural.
3: Appearance: Maybe it’s time for some new clothes and a new haircut. Do you look like you fit in with her circle of friends? If you are unsure, ask your sister, female friend or relation for advice. You don’t have to be a clone of the people she hangs out with, but maybe you just need to adjust your style a bit so it meshes. Being your own person is good so long as it is not too out there or just plain socially unacceptable.
Be sure you also clean your teeth daily. Bad breath is another no no. She will never kiss you if she can’t get past your breath.
If you have issues with your skin there are many great products out there to invest in. This is not such an issue as all of the above, if you can just make sure that your skin looks clean and well tended.
4: Be observant. Commenting on new shirts or clothes is fantastic. Especially if you compliment her on them. All girls like guys to notice their new hairstyle. This is because so many guys don’t. Even if it looks really slight to you, it isn’t to her. Once she realises you are noticing her she will probably start to play along just to see what happens. You will now have her curiosity.
5: Plan in advance: If you get tongue-tied around her, or are very shy, prepare things to say to her. Ask her if she had a good weekend. What is she doing this weekend? This will also give you some clues as to what she likes to do in her spare time, where she goes, what interests she has. You may find that you already have things in common. If you do, you should work on that. For example, you both might like the same band and can then arrange to go in a group to see them. Group outings are good because then the girl will feel safe. Maybe you can arrange to just catch up there. You may find that you already go to the same club or venue but on a different night, in which case you need to change your night.
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6: Good sense of humour. People are always attracted to happy people. You don’t have to become a professional clown but girls like guys who can laugh at themselves and don’t take themselves too seriously, especially initially. Look around at any bar or party. Is the crowd around the skulking surly person or the guy with the big smile and laugh? It just takes practice.
7: Get her to trust you. Obviously, this is very situation dependent. Is she a work colleague or someone with less history who sells you your lunch? Obviously if you work with her this will probably be easier than if she is more of a stranger. If you work with her you can arrange things so that you can go out for group drinks, activities etc. In this kind of environment you can also offer to help her out with stuff like fixing cars, moving house, etc. Try to start being a good friend to her so she can see what a great guy you are. Before long, she may wonder how she got along without you. With more of a stranger, building up trust will take more time and will definitely need at least one group activity so she can see that you are safe. In this scenario, tagging along with her and her friends is probably a good idea, as she will be thinking there is safety in numbers. Getting to know her friends is a great way to getting to know her better.
8: Don’t be too predictable. Girls enjoy a bit of a challenge.
9: No scary behaviour. You should not do anything that could be construed as stalking, crossing personal boundaries, or in the workplace, what could be perceived to be sexual harassment. Keep it friendly and appropriate. We all know the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. You don’t have to be in her face the whole time.
You can get that dream girl to love you! That hot girl can be your dream date! Go and get her!
Tips on Getting a Girl to Like You (Precious Guide)
For getting a girl's love, all a man can see is a big storm of feelings warning him to stay away from a girl before getting rejected. It always amazes me that why a man always gives the power of validation to the girl and make himself vulnerable in her eyes. Now, I am not saying that you should not purpose a girl but you should at least create high attraction for getting a girl to like you.
To captivate a girl's heart, you can not only rely on body language, pick-up lines or interesting conversation. These things definitely reward you the attentions of girls but never make them like you as their man. Furthermore, you can not sustain the magical attraction in long-term relationship with only these things. That's why; one of the most important questions that get asked from me frequently is… "What are the real secret tips on getting a girl to like you?"
Amazingly, there are some unique challenges in attraction which no one covers in dating or relationship advice. Once you dominate those challenges with success, you won't only get girls like you but also make them feel the new depths of feelings and intimacy for you. Even more importantly, you will become the chosen one for girls.
TIPS ON GETTING A GIRL TO LIKE YOU
Actually, there are two things which you have to master before enjoying the most exciting love life you could ever imagine.
1. Elements of Attraction.
2. Girls' Indicators of Interests (IOIs).
Before highlighting above points, let me tell you the default body language which you have to master before getting girls to love you. As it is the most initial step, you have to correct your body language for the sake of your love life, dating and successful career.
· Never cross arms in front of your chest; keep your hands out of your pocket always.
· There should be always one foot distance between your feet while you standing.
· Keep your head straight and make your gaze strong.
· Never ever fidget. Slow down your movements.
· Use deep voice; speak from your chest instead of neck. It not only creates mystery but also projects you as a thrilling man.
· Keep your conversation interesting and full of fun.
1. ELEMENTS OF ATTRACTION:
Girls are the second meaning of feelings. For men, they had never been easy to understand because their decisions depend on their feelings, unconsciously. They are naturally drawn to those men who hold the most elements of attraction. So, here are few precious tips on getting a girl to like you.
Environment Effect: This is where all the super pick-up artists and fake players prove themselves unreal. Girls/Women notice you so closely always. If you are making her laugh, maintaining confident body language but standing near the bathroom or stairs, you are projecting yourself an unreal man. Your position in the environment always plays a very important role for your personality. I hope this note has opened your eyes… Your values, high status and confidence fade away when you put yourself on wrong placement in the environment.
A man always picks a comfortable spot after entering into the room and notice things one by one around him. Whereas, a woman picture the whole scenario in one glance; she notice the color of the walls, background and space before picking up her spot. This is the natural difference between men and women. So, try to keep yourself away from stairs, bathrooms, room corners and doors. Keep yourself on good open positions. For example, stand or sit in center of the room like you own the space.
Be the Chosen One: Men are especially vulnerable when it comes to be the chosen one. Unfortunately, they think that by using pick-up lines or interesting conversations they can get the girls love them but these things make them fall into the friend's category. You can entertain a girl with your funny stories or attractive attitudes but you can never be the chose one for girls without your positive inner qualities.
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A girl desires an "ELITE MAN" in her life. An elite man always keeps the sparks of interest alive in his life. He is the leader and makes people follow his positive beliefs. In caveman days, he looked for physical challenges, which was highly attractive for women. His physical activities make him a handyman and get women's heart racing with excitement. He is a tough guy who loves the challenges of life. His passions and plans in work make him highly exciting and attractive. Project these qualities and make girls follow you entire life.
Seen the difference between a pick-up artist and an "Elite Man"? That's why; getting a girl to love you is very easy if you be an elite man.
2. GIRL'S INDICATORS OF INTERESTS (IOIs):
There are many tips on getting a girl to like you but are you missing the girls' indicators of interests during conversations or meetings? Well, you should not miss the IOIs of girls ever. A girl's IOIs give you the clear clue whether she is genuinely interested in you or not. According to experts of women's psychology, when a girl touches you while talking or look at you for no apparent reason then it simply means that she is highly interested in you.
As you heard me say, girls are the second meaning of feelings. They show their feelings through their body language. That's why, "A girl always faces you during conversation and touches her neck, collar bones and hairs if she is highly interested in you." Now, here I am giving you a secret tip which will always help you to find out whether a girl is sexually interested in you or not.
NOTICE HER NOSTRILS: In your presence or during conversation, "Slightly swell nostrils of a girl will always tell you that she is sexually interested in you." A nose of a girl always tells you the truth.
"Be Her Sexual God." If you want to know exactly that how to make a girl fall in love with you and create extreme sexual attraction then check this out… Be Her Sexual God.
For more sexual ideas, tricks, tips, and a sure-fire system to turn your woman into the sexy nymph you have dreamed about, go to Be Her Sexual God and create the MILF you deserve.
How to Get a Girl to Like you - Guaranteed Tips to Win Her Heart!
Are you stumped with how to get a girl to like you? Fear not, because there are ways to catch a woman's heart. Around half of the world's male population have a dilemma on how to capture the heart of the girl of their dreams the same as you. Just what is it that makes women weak in the knees anyway? Below is a list of tips on how to get a girl to like you:
Be yourself.
As with getting anyone, male or female, to like you, simply be yourself. Being fake would only repulse people. Faking your own personality drives people away. Honesty and integrity is a barometer of trustworthiness. If a girl can't trust you to be yourself, why would she entrust you with her life?.
Immerse yourself.
If you've always felt awkward with the fairer sex, it's not the end of the world. It may take practice; but as with any intrepid endeavor, it takes time to warm up to the changes. Start with the basics.
Take note of your own family. How do the male and female members interact? If you're fortunate enough to have been raised in a female-dominated family, then you'd at least have a basic awareness of how to conduct yourself around girls. But if you've only ever been exposed to testosterone your entire life, you'll have to work a little harder at it.
Try to interact with women more and try to be familiar with their ways. It won't do you good to avoid them at all costs just because you are daunted by them. Girls aren't immune to insecurity, too. If you're afraid to approach a girl, remind yourself that girls wonder about how to get guys to like them as well.
Be nice.
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Being nice and pleasant are two different things. Sure, you might be a pleasant fellow to be around with, but do you actually go out of your way to be a decent human being?
Help an old lady cross the street. Be a role model for kids to look up to. Be kind to animals. Being considerate to others, no matter the age, gender, or species, is sure to make any girl fall for you.
Of course, don't do it just to impress her. If all you're after are the brownie points, your efforts will only backfire, painfully.
Clean up your act.
There are females may find rugged types rather appealing. That, however, is no excuse for you to avoid hygienic rituals. A guy can be the most awe-inspiring Adonis, but it's a given the girls will flee and avoid him like a dreaded disease if he lives like a slob.
Be a friend.
Yes, platonic relationships between people of the opposite sexes do exist. In some cases, pure friendship relationships can even lead to romantic relationships. But whether or not you'd like to take it that far, bear in mind that girls weren't made to be chased after to be captured like prize game.
The chances for her to like your company if you treat her with respect, listen to her intently, and be her support system when she's not in a good place. Let her see your clean intentions and you shouldn't let her feel like you're only after one thing (and you're probably aware what that is).
Just follow these simple steps on how to get a girl to like you and the girl of your dreams will be yours in no time
Friday, September 21, 2012
Dating Advice for Men - How to Avoid Hooking Up With The Wrong Woman
Dating Advice for Men - How to Avoid Hooking Up With The Wrong Woman
Once a guy starts to get at least a little bit good at meeting and attracting women, you'd think that everything would just fall into place and things would be perfect from there on, right? Wrong! Plenty of men find that even when they do get decent at attracting women, they still end up in situations that are not really up to their expectations. You might find that you end up attracting women with problems or women who don't seem to know how to let the drama go. What are you going to do then?
What you can do, is to learn how to avoid hooking up with the wrong women and one way to do that is to become aware of certain "red flags" that you need to be able to recognize that are going to tell you that she is probably not the one for you. Trust me, plenty of women who are bad for you are going to give out these signs, it's just that most guys don't want to see them.
Here are some tips on things to watch out for so that you don't end up hooking up with the wrong woman:
1) All her past relationships have been messy.
You might feel sorry for a woman with a story like this and assume that it was always the guy's fault in the situation. However, when a woman has a long track record of having messy relationships and she seems to be the constant variable in each equation, you have to assume that some of it has to do with her. You have to be able to get past feeling sorry for a woman in order to see what really went on. That's not to say that a good woman can't have had some bad relationships in the past, it's just that when they all seem to have been bad relationships, a good rule of thumb is to assume that she had a lot to do with it.
2) She doesn't know how to act around guys except to flirt with them.
When you are dating a woman who only knows how to interact with men by flirting with them, there is one thing that you can count on. Things will get messy. I have a friend who dated a woman like this and all of the time he was getting into bar fights because she would flirt with a guy, that guy would assume that she liked him, and then he would see my friend as someone coming into take "his" girl. You don't want to deal with these kinds of situations all of the time, so if it seems like the only thing that she knows how to do with guys is to flirt, you may want to pass her by.
3) She is a little bit too easy.
This may not come across as being politically correct, but if a woman seems a bit too easy to get with, then you can usually assume that this is not the first time she has been like that. What that can sometimes lead to, is a woman who doesn't really have too many barriers when it comes to relationships and that can usually mean that she is the type that you have to worry about cheating on you, or wondering about her past sexually. Sometimes, too easy can be a very bad thing.
When you realize that a woman has a lot of these red flags, you really need to be able to pass her on by if you don't want to deal with a lot of messy situations. If you don't, then you really only have yourself to blame when things go sour.
One of the things that you have to learn to do is to ask a woman out and then learn to screen her to see if she is right for you
Source: http://christyler.articlealley.com/dating-advice-for-men--how-to-avoid-hooking-up-with-the-wrong-woman-2432848.html
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Important Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
by: Emily Kensington
by: Emily Kensington
It's time to get introspective! By taking the time to honestly assess
your feelings and your motivations, you will be able to ascertain your
degree of readiness for marriage.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I love about my partner?
As a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy, one of the first things I ask is “What do you love about one another?" If the answers indicate little depth, serious trouble is indicated. Replies such "because she's pretty” or "he's fun” are troubling signs, indicating surface attraction. Once, to my horror, a client replied "Because we like the same kind of pizza.” Needless to say, this is not a foundation for a long lasting relationship!
Happily, after considerable introspection, many couples are able to identify their attraction to positive partner qualities such as compassion, intelligence, and an ability and willingness to communicate effectively. After all, if you can't talk openly with your partner, the relationship is not solid. Perhaps more important, self-aware couples are able to recognize areas for potential growth, and develop a plan to jointly work on their relationship.
Some, especially new, couples may view such questioning as cynically casting doubt upon their whirlwind romance. Nonetheless this type of critical self-reflection is vital in determining ultimate compatibility. Indeed, it doesn't take a relationship advice guru to realized that a little work now could save a lot of heartache later.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Why am I asking this person to marry me?
For example, are you proposing because your partner is pregnant? If that's your primary reason for getting hitched, I suggest you reconsider, because studies show that you will grow to resent your partner and child.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Can we work through problems?
If you've been with your partner for a long period of time, you have likely experienced some rough patches. Take a look at those patches to determine how you dealt with them as a couple, and note what you did well or identify areas for improvement. Do you feel comfortable discussing any problem with your partner?
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Can we communicate?
Talking is not necessarily the same as communicating. You need to be able to talk to this person in your life in a constructive way. If you have already argued, you already know if this is possible. We don't always get along with the people we love, but we should be willing to get along with them most of the time and try to love them when we are feeling negative about them. If you felt like you came away from the situation understanding the other person better, you are able to communicate.
Important Tip:
If you have ever walked away from an argument feeling degraded or unsatisfied, you might want to work on your couples communication skills a bit more.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
What are my conceptions of marriage?
Everyone has a different pre-conceived conception of what marriage means; some of us are influenced by family experiences, some of us by mass media depictions of marriage, some focus on the magical wedding day and think everything else will fall into place, while others dream of children and building long-term memories. What are yours? Are they at least similar to your partners? I hope so!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do we share the same values?
While this doesn't necessarily include religious or spiritual ideals, sharing the same values is going to be helpful in ensuring future harmony. For example, you will need to be able to share some values in order to make decisions together, parent together, and to live in the same home together.
Important Tip:
Conflicting values can be fun to debate when you're first dating, but having to live with someone who never agrees with you is not a strong foundation for a marriage.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do we share the same religion?
If you have strong religious beliefs, you should be able to 1) share them with your partner or 2) respect your partner's differences. There are many couples that do not share the same religion, but they still need to be able to respect their spouse's beliefs and have their spouse return the favor.
Important tip: Those that do not share the same religion will want to create a plan on how to deal with this in terms of children and holidays.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Where are we financially?
Marriage is certainly not about money, but making a note of what you have in terms of financial assets is certainly going to help you create a solid foundation. You need to be honest with your partner about your financial situation and they need to be honest with you. If you do not discuss money, this can create conflict in your marriage. In fact, financial stressors are one of the leading causes of divorce.
Action for the day: Perform some type of financial planning as a couple. Make notes regarding your financial situation as it relates to your tastes and standard of living. If you're fiscally responsible and your partner has a penchant for designer shoes and is drowning in credit card debt, can you manage this divide? Are you and your partner compatible in living within your means?
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
What are our differences?
Are you and your partner fundamentally different? If so, can you live with those differences? This can be anything that you feel strongly about or something that you simply dislike. For example, every one of us have “dealbreakers” which are things that we categorically will not tolerate. They represent a bare minimum requirement that should never be breached because it would often result in the end of the relationship. Do you need your partner to change in certain areas, or can live with them? Be honest, and save yourself future aggravation! Speak now or forever hold your peace, remember?
Action For The Day:
Make a list of your “dealbreakers” and share them with your partner. This will ensure that you are both on the same page regarding your expectations for your relationship.
A little introspection with respect to the above questions will help you ascertain your personal readiness for marriage. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't think of your partner's feelings as well. Next, we address your partner's readiness for marriage. After all, it takes two!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Questions To Ask Of Your Partner
It's quite easy to get wrapped up in the idea that you are the only one that needs to consider your feelings regarding marriage as you're the one that's going to do the 'asking,' but this is only partially true. Yes, you do need to consider your own readiness, but you also need to question if your partner is ready as well.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself about your partner to determine if this is a person that is ready to marry you:
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Are they willing to share things with you?
While all of us have small secrets, being married requires teamwork and a willingness to discuss some uncomfortable things. If you find that your partner isn't someone that shares things with you, you may want to reconsider whether they will make good marriage material. If they do not share themselves with you, then by definition you do not truly know them. In addition, you will likely find it difficult to communicate with them or even get a sense of what they are thinking.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Have they already discussed marriage?
When you're in a long term relationship, the topic of marriage should be broached at some point. Even if you never plan to get married, couples should talk about the possibility and the probability. A sign that your partner is ready or close to being ready for marriage is this discussion – this often indicates they have given the idea some thought and have begun to ask themselves if they are ready.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do they see your relationship as a team effort?
If your potential spouse treats your marriage as though it were a team effort, it usually means they respect your input and opinions and are looking at things in the long term. Also, if your partner actively treats you as a permanent couple, this is likely a sign that they want to be a permanent couple.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Has your partner had positive role models of marriage in their life?
If your partner came from a family that did not provide an example of a stable marriage, then they may have a slightly harder time adjusting to the idea of marriage or long term commitment. This doesn't mean they are unfit for marriage, but it can be an obstacle in terms of them harboring different opinions about love and relationships.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Where do I see our lives heading?
Many people forget that the proposal is simply just one moment in which your lives will change forever. And while this moment is beautiful and timeless, you need to think more about what happens after your partner accepts a ring.
It's important to show your significant other that you have been thinking about the future and not just about the proposal. This is probably the most romantic gesture of all and it tells your partner that you are in this for the long haul.
You can relay this feeling to your partner by talking about the future after you propose or before you propose. Creating a vivid, happy picture of what your future together will look like is a great way not only to set up the perfect moment for popping the question, but also helps ensure that you are both ready for the wonderful ride!
If your partner isn't clear about what they want from your relationship, this isn't a problem necessarily, but it can be something that you might want to think about before you ask the big question. A partner that isn't quite sure what they want may indicate that they are not yet ready for marriage, or not easily satisfied. Of course, at the point you are ready to propose, you should already have an idea of your future potential as a long term couple.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do I really know the person I Plan to marry?
It's easy to become swept up in the moment of proposing. If you've only been together for a few months, you're probably feeling as though nothing will ever go wrong between you – that all will be happy and blissful.
However, the truth is that whenever you put two people together, you will inevitably experience some sort of disagreement or some rough patches. That's life, and unforeseen stressors can occur in the form of sudden unemployment, illness, the passing of family and pets, etc.
There is no hard and fast rule regarding how long you need to know someone before you get engaged, but you should be asking yourself just how much you know about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with.
And you should consider how much they know about you.
Consider your partner's family. Have you met them? Meeting your partner's family is a great way to learn more about your partner, and gives you clues regarding their upbringing and caregiver models.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do you know your partners goals and dreams? Do you know what your partner would if they only had the chance?
Warning!
You should not get engaged to someone with the belief that you will “grow to love them” or get to know them more as you are married. This is almost always a recipe for disaster. Put simply, you should become engaged to someone you know well right now. While it's true that people change over the course of a marriage due to maturity and basic human development, but you should have a good idea of the essential nature of your partner.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask Before Getting Married
Do your partner's family and friends like you?
While the opinion of your partner's family and friends isn't the defining factor regarding the validity of your relationship, you do need to consider any problems as potential obstacles to true bliss. If your partner's mother, for example, is always berating you, you might have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Even worse, if your partner never stands up for you, can you live with that?
Some relationships may always be difficult, so you should ask yourself if that's something you will be able to deal with in a mature and honest manner.
Though it's true that you want to do as much as you can to ensure that you have positive relationships with the important people in your partner's life, you also need to be willing to acknowledge that people generally do not change, but they can soften over time. In other words, thoughtfully consider, but don't get over attached to the opinions of your partner's family and friends.
Unfortunately, even if your partner's friends and family don't like you, you still need to treat them with respect. This will help to maintain civility and keep your partner from feeling like you are exacerbating the situation.
On the other hand, if you notice that your partner never stands up for you, this can create stress in your relationship. Additionally, if your partner always defers to the opinions of others, such as friends and family, this may create obstacles with respect to big decisions like children and career moves. Also, when a partner is constantly seeking others outside of the marriage for advice instead of conferring with his or her mate, this is a predictive indicator of relationship problems.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Do we share similar interests?
Think of the time you've spent with your partner thus far. Are you able to spend time together pursuing similar interests? While you don't have to share all of the same hobbies and activities, you do want to have some things you can enjoy together.
For example, perhaps you both love the same sports team and look forward to watching and attending games together. Or you may both be fitness enthusiasts that like to workout together.
Think of the activities you already enjoy together to determine if you have aspects of your lives that you can share over the long haul. If not, maybe it's time to find something that you can both enjoy together.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Are we able to live individual lives too?
Here comes the flip side to the above recommendation: It is also vital to maintain balance in your relationship. While you want to have similar interests in your lives, you also need to maintain your own individuality without any interference from your partner.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, you will always want to be together – at work, at home, etc. But as the relationship evolves and you learn more about each other, you need to step outside of your comfort zone and find out what makes you happy on your own.
In short, you need to get your own life! While your partner may be a high priority in your life, you also need to nurture your own learning, hobbies, and interests in order to grow as a person.
What's more is that the more you learn about yourself and about what you enjoy, the more you bring into your relationship.
The old joke is that older couples run out of things to say because they've already said everything – but this is not necessarily the case when you take the time to develop your own life outside of the marriage and the relationship.
You need to both be willing to give the other space and time away in order to grow. If you think that spending as much time together as possible is going to work for you, you may be shocked to see just how much that doesn't work in a long term relationship.
Be ready and be willing to support the interests of your partner so that you can both learn and feel nurtured in learning new things. And when you have new things to share, you never run out of things to say!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Is anyone ever really ready?
A very valid case could be made for the fact that you're never really ready for marriage and an engagement, but you try anyway. Things aren't going to be perfect, but they should feel perfect for you. In every relationship, there are going to be ups and downs, but it's what you do with those moments that will define you as a couple.
This is why it's so important to make sure you ascertain your readiness for marriage. A wedding proposal is a big step that shows you are ready to become committed to your partner, and what better time to explore your own feelings?
Getting engaged is a time of nervous excitement. It's a big step in any relationship, but by examining your personal readiness for marriage and the foundation of your relationship, it's going to feel like the right step!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Action For The Day:
Take some time to make a list of all the reasons why you want to get married. Do they match your partner's reasons? Are they valid reasons, or are you fulfilling some unmet and potentially selfish need?
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I love about my partner?
As a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy, one of the first things I ask is “What do you love about one another?" If the answers indicate little depth, serious trouble is indicated. Replies such "because she's pretty” or "he's fun” are troubling signs, indicating surface attraction. Once, to my horror, a client replied "Because we like the same kind of pizza.” Needless to say, this is not a foundation for a long lasting relationship!
Happily, after considerable introspection, many couples are able to identify their attraction to positive partner qualities such as compassion, intelligence, and an ability and willingness to communicate effectively. After all, if you can't talk openly with your partner, the relationship is not solid. Perhaps more important, self-aware couples are able to recognize areas for potential growth, and develop a plan to jointly work on their relationship.
Some, especially new, couples may view such questioning as cynically casting doubt upon their whirlwind romance. Nonetheless this type of critical self-reflection is vital in determining ultimate compatibility. Indeed, it doesn't take a relationship advice guru to realized that a little work now could save a lot of heartache later.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Why am I asking this person to marry me?
For example, are you proposing because your partner is pregnant? If that's your primary reason for getting hitched, I suggest you reconsider, because studies show that you will grow to resent your partner and child.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Can we work through problems?
If you've been with your partner for a long period of time, you have likely experienced some rough patches. Take a look at those patches to determine how you dealt with them as a couple, and note what you did well or identify areas for improvement. Do you feel comfortable discussing any problem with your partner?
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Can we communicate?
Talking is not necessarily the same as communicating. You need to be able to talk to this person in your life in a constructive way. If you have already argued, you already know if this is possible. We don't always get along with the people we love, but we should be willing to get along with them most of the time and try to love them when we are feeling negative about them. If you felt like you came away from the situation understanding the other person better, you are able to communicate.
Important Tip:
If you have ever walked away from an argument feeling degraded or unsatisfied, you might want to work on your couples communication skills a bit more.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
What are my conceptions of marriage?
Everyone has a different pre-conceived conception of what marriage means; some of us are influenced by family experiences, some of us by mass media depictions of marriage, some focus on the magical wedding day and think everything else will fall into place, while others dream of children and building long-term memories. What are yours? Are they at least similar to your partners? I hope so!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do we share the same values?
While this doesn't necessarily include religious or spiritual ideals, sharing the same values is going to be helpful in ensuring future harmony. For example, you will need to be able to share some values in order to make decisions together, parent together, and to live in the same home together.
Important Tip:
Conflicting values can be fun to debate when you're first dating, but having to live with someone who never agrees with you is not a strong foundation for a marriage.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do we share the same religion?
If you have strong religious beliefs, you should be able to 1) share them with your partner or 2) respect your partner's differences. There are many couples that do not share the same religion, but they still need to be able to respect their spouse's beliefs and have their spouse return the favor.
Important tip: Those that do not share the same religion will want to create a plan on how to deal with this in terms of children and holidays.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Where are we financially?
Marriage is certainly not about money, but making a note of what you have in terms of financial assets is certainly going to help you create a solid foundation. You need to be honest with your partner about your financial situation and they need to be honest with you. If you do not discuss money, this can create conflict in your marriage. In fact, financial stressors are one of the leading causes of divorce.
Action for the day: Perform some type of financial planning as a couple. Make notes regarding your financial situation as it relates to your tastes and standard of living. If you're fiscally responsible and your partner has a penchant for designer shoes and is drowning in credit card debt, can you manage this divide? Are you and your partner compatible in living within your means?
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
What are our differences?
Are you and your partner fundamentally different? If so, can you live with those differences? This can be anything that you feel strongly about or something that you simply dislike. For example, every one of us have “dealbreakers” which are things that we categorically will not tolerate. They represent a bare minimum requirement that should never be breached because it would often result in the end of the relationship. Do you need your partner to change in certain areas, or can live with them? Be honest, and save yourself future aggravation! Speak now or forever hold your peace, remember?
Action For The Day:
Make a list of your “dealbreakers” and share them with your partner. This will ensure that you are both on the same page regarding your expectations for your relationship.
A little introspection with respect to the above questions will help you ascertain your personal readiness for marriage. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't think of your partner's feelings as well. Next, we address your partner's readiness for marriage. After all, it takes two!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Questions To Ask Of Your Partner
It's quite easy to get wrapped up in the idea that you are the only one that needs to consider your feelings regarding marriage as you're the one that's going to do the 'asking,' but this is only partially true. Yes, you do need to consider your own readiness, but you also need to question if your partner is ready as well.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself about your partner to determine if this is a person that is ready to marry you:
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Are they willing to share things with you?
While all of us have small secrets, being married requires teamwork and a willingness to discuss some uncomfortable things. If you find that your partner isn't someone that shares things with you, you may want to reconsider whether they will make good marriage material. If they do not share themselves with you, then by definition you do not truly know them. In addition, you will likely find it difficult to communicate with them or even get a sense of what they are thinking.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Have they already discussed marriage?
When you're in a long term relationship, the topic of marriage should be broached at some point. Even if you never plan to get married, couples should talk about the possibility and the probability. A sign that your partner is ready or close to being ready for marriage is this discussion – this often indicates they have given the idea some thought and have begun to ask themselves if they are ready.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do they see your relationship as a team effort?
If your potential spouse treats your marriage as though it were a team effort, it usually means they respect your input and opinions and are looking at things in the long term. Also, if your partner actively treats you as a permanent couple, this is likely a sign that they want to be a permanent couple.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Has your partner had positive role models of marriage in their life?
If your partner came from a family that did not provide an example of a stable marriage, then they may have a slightly harder time adjusting to the idea of marriage or long term commitment. This doesn't mean they are unfit for marriage, but it can be an obstacle in terms of them harboring different opinions about love and relationships.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Where do I see our lives heading?
Many people forget that the proposal is simply just one moment in which your lives will change forever. And while this moment is beautiful and timeless, you need to think more about what happens after your partner accepts a ring.
It's important to show your significant other that you have been thinking about the future and not just about the proposal. This is probably the most romantic gesture of all and it tells your partner that you are in this for the long haul.
You can relay this feeling to your partner by talking about the future after you propose or before you propose. Creating a vivid, happy picture of what your future together will look like is a great way not only to set up the perfect moment for popping the question, but also helps ensure that you are both ready for the wonderful ride!
If your partner isn't clear about what they want from your relationship, this isn't a problem necessarily, but it can be something that you might want to think about before you ask the big question. A partner that isn't quite sure what they want may indicate that they are not yet ready for marriage, or not easily satisfied. Of course, at the point you are ready to propose, you should already have an idea of your future potential as a long term couple.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do I really know the person I Plan to marry?
It's easy to become swept up in the moment of proposing. If you've only been together for a few months, you're probably feeling as though nothing will ever go wrong between you – that all will be happy and blissful.
However, the truth is that whenever you put two people together, you will inevitably experience some sort of disagreement or some rough patches. That's life, and unforeseen stressors can occur in the form of sudden unemployment, illness, the passing of family and pets, etc.
There is no hard and fast rule regarding how long you need to know someone before you get engaged, but you should be asking yourself just how much you know about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with.
And you should consider how much they know about you.
Consider your partner's family. Have you met them? Meeting your partner's family is a great way to learn more about your partner, and gives you clues regarding their upbringing and caregiver models.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Do you know your partners goals and dreams? Do you know what your partner would if they only had the chance?
Warning!
You should not get engaged to someone with the belief that you will “grow to love them” or get to know them more as you are married. This is almost always a recipe for disaster. Put simply, you should become engaged to someone you know well right now. While it's true that people change over the course of a marriage due to maturity and basic human development, but you should have a good idea of the essential nature of your partner.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask Before Getting Married
Do your partner's family and friends like you?
While the opinion of your partner's family and friends isn't the defining factor regarding the validity of your relationship, you do need to consider any problems as potential obstacles to true bliss. If your partner's mother, for example, is always berating you, you might have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Even worse, if your partner never stands up for you, can you live with that?
Some relationships may always be difficult, so you should ask yourself if that's something you will be able to deal with in a mature and honest manner.
Though it's true that you want to do as much as you can to ensure that you have positive relationships with the important people in your partner's life, you also need to be willing to acknowledge that people generally do not change, but they can soften over time. In other words, thoughtfully consider, but don't get over attached to the opinions of your partner's family and friends.
Unfortunately, even if your partner's friends and family don't like you, you still need to treat them with respect. This will help to maintain civility and keep your partner from feeling like you are exacerbating the situation.
On the other hand, if you notice that your partner never stands up for you, this can create stress in your relationship. Additionally, if your partner always defers to the opinions of others, such as friends and family, this may create obstacles with respect to big decisions like children and career moves. Also, when a partner is constantly seeking others outside of the marriage for advice instead of conferring with his or her mate, this is a predictive indicator of relationship problems.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Do we share similar interests?
Think of the time you've spent with your partner thus far. Are you able to spend time together pursuing similar interests? While you don't have to share all of the same hobbies and activities, you do want to have some things you can enjoy together.
For example, perhaps you both love the same sports team and look forward to watching and attending games together. Or you may both be fitness enthusiasts that like to workout together.
Think of the activities you already enjoy together to determine if you have aspects of your lives that you can share over the long haul. If not, maybe it's time to find something that you can both enjoy together.
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Are we able to live individual lives too?
Here comes the flip side to the above recommendation: It is also vital to maintain balance in your relationship. While you want to have similar interests in your lives, you also need to maintain your own individuality without any interference from your partner.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, you will always want to be together – at work, at home, etc. But as the relationship evolves and you learn more about each other, you need to step outside of your comfort zone and find out what makes you happy on your own.
In short, you need to get your own life! While your partner may be a high priority in your life, you also need to nurture your own learning, hobbies, and interests in order to grow as a person.
What's more is that the more you learn about yourself and about what you enjoy, the more you bring into your relationship.
The old joke is that older couples run out of things to say because they've already said everything – but this is not necessarily the case when you take the time to develop your own life outside of the marriage and the relationship.
You need to both be willing to give the other space and time away in order to grow. If you think that spending as much time together as possible is going to work for you, you may be shocked to see just how much that doesn't work in a long term relationship.
Be ready and be willing to support the interests of your partner so that you can both learn and feel nurtured in learning new things. And when you have new things to share, you never run out of things to say!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE Getting Married
Is anyone ever really ready?
A very valid case could be made for the fact that you're never really ready for marriage and an engagement, but you try anyway. Things aren't going to be perfect, but they should feel perfect for you. In every relationship, there are going to be ups and downs, but it's what you do with those moments that will define you as a couple.
This is why it's so important to make sure you ascertain your readiness for marriage. A wedding proposal is a big step that shows you are ready to become committed to your partner, and what better time to explore your own feelings?
Getting engaged is a time of nervous excitement. It's a big step in any relationship, but by examining your personal readiness for marriage and the foundation of your relationship, it's going to feel like the right step!
Relationship Advice: Important Questions To Ask BEFORE You Get Married
Action For The Day:
Take some time to make a list of all the reasons why you want to get married. Do they match your partner's reasons? Are they valid reasons, or are you fulfilling some unmet and potentially selfish need?
Falling (Or Feeling) Out Of Love?
by: Lynn Powers
by: Lynn Powers
Love. Probably the most misused word in the English language. We “love”
our kids, our dog, pizza, even certain television shows. But if we
really want to learn about love, God’s Word is where we should turn.
The Bible talks a lot about love – what it is (1Corinthians 13), why we are told to love (1 John 4:19), ways we should express love (John 15:13). The Bible tells us how much God loves us (John 3:16) and that love is the greatest commandment of all (1Corinthians 13:13).
Unfortunately, and much to God’s displeasure, marriages break up all the time because couples have fallen “out of love.” But, according to the Bible, falling out of love is impossible because love is a choice. Feeling out of love, on the other hand, is possible. Even probable. Anyone who is married – even happily – will testify to that.
And that’s really what it comes down to, isn’t it? Many couples base their claims of falling out of love on the fact that they no longer feel love for their spouse. But God tells us not to live by our feelings. Our feelings can change from day to day – even moment to moment! God’s Word tells us in Proverbs 28:26 and in Jeremiah 17:9 that our hearts are deceitful. They can’t always be trusted.
If you are unhappy in your marriage, to the point of wanting to walk away, that’s probably not something you want to hear. Most likely, you feel justified in your decision to walk away. Maybe you’ve even convinced yourself that God actually approves of your reasons for leaving. After all, you have some good reasons! But, of course, you already know in your heart that God does not approve. Because His idea of marriage is forever. And, unless there is abuse or an unrepentant affair, you are required to stay. Whether you feel like it or not.
Here’s a question for you. Do you believe Jesus loves you? If you’re a Christian, your answer is probably, “of course!” The Bible tells us over and over how much He loves us. So much that He went to the cross. But here’s another question. Do you think Jesus felt like going to the cross? Do you think He wanted to experience the nails driving into his hands and feet? That he felt like being beat to a pulp, spit on, shoved to the ground…I don’t think so. But Jesus made a decision. He decided to bear the excruciating pain. To be tortured. Whipped. Cursed at.
If Jesus had acted on his feelings, we’d all be on our way to hell. But because he pushed through His feelings and decided to love, our lives are forever changed.
Although you won’t have to experience the physical pain Jesus did when He decided to love, you may go through some pretty heavy emotional pain. Choosing to love is not easy! Especially when there are hurts, anger and bitterness to work through. Especially when you don’t feel like it!
If you’re no longer “in love” with your husband or wife, if you’re considering ending your marriage, get help before the cement completely sets in your heart. Contact a good Christian marriage counselor or therapist to help you learn what you need to do to get the love back. Do it God’s way. When you do, it won’t be long before you’ll find yourself falling (and feeling) in love again.
The Bible talks a lot about love – what it is (1Corinthians 13), why we are told to love (1 John 4:19), ways we should express love (John 15:13). The Bible tells us how much God loves us (John 3:16) and that love is the greatest commandment of all (1Corinthians 13:13).
Unfortunately, and much to God’s displeasure, marriages break up all the time because couples have fallen “out of love.” But, according to the Bible, falling out of love is impossible because love is a choice. Feeling out of love, on the other hand, is possible. Even probable. Anyone who is married – even happily – will testify to that.
And that’s really what it comes down to, isn’t it? Many couples base their claims of falling out of love on the fact that they no longer feel love for their spouse. But God tells us not to live by our feelings. Our feelings can change from day to day – even moment to moment! God’s Word tells us in Proverbs 28:26 and in Jeremiah 17:9 that our hearts are deceitful. They can’t always be trusted.
If you are unhappy in your marriage, to the point of wanting to walk away, that’s probably not something you want to hear. Most likely, you feel justified in your decision to walk away. Maybe you’ve even convinced yourself that God actually approves of your reasons for leaving. After all, you have some good reasons! But, of course, you already know in your heart that God does not approve. Because His idea of marriage is forever. And, unless there is abuse or an unrepentant affair, you are required to stay. Whether you feel like it or not.
Here’s a question for you. Do you believe Jesus loves you? If you’re a Christian, your answer is probably, “of course!” The Bible tells us over and over how much He loves us. So much that He went to the cross. But here’s another question. Do you think Jesus felt like going to the cross? Do you think He wanted to experience the nails driving into his hands and feet? That he felt like being beat to a pulp, spit on, shoved to the ground…I don’t think so. But Jesus made a decision. He decided to bear the excruciating pain. To be tortured. Whipped. Cursed at.
If Jesus had acted on his feelings, we’d all be on our way to hell. But because he pushed through His feelings and decided to love, our lives are forever changed.
Although you won’t have to experience the physical pain Jesus did when He decided to love, you may go through some pretty heavy emotional pain. Choosing to love is not easy! Especially when there are hurts, anger and bitterness to work through. Especially when you don’t feel like it!
If you’re no longer “in love” with your husband or wife, if you’re considering ending your marriage, get help before the cement completely sets in your heart. Contact a good Christian marriage counselor or therapist to help you learn what you need to do to get the love back. Do it God’s way. When you do, it won’t be long before you’ll find yourself falling (and feeling) in love again.
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